I promised to cover my daughters’ college costs if they met simple conditions. However, Alice chose an unproductive gap year, missing those terms. Am I wrong for now withholding full tuition support?
Hey, this is definitely a tricky situation! I totally get why you set conditions in the first place, and it makes sense to feel disappointed when things don’t go as planned. But I’m curious—do you think there might be a middle ground here? Maybe there’s a way to have a conversation with her about this gap year choice and explore how it might still be a learning experience, even if it wasn’t the plan you envisioned. How do you feel about potentially re-negotiating some of these terms, or perhaps finding another way to support her growth while still emphasizing accountability? I’d love to hear your thoughts on what kind of outcome would feel fair to both of you. 
Based on my experience managing similar situations in my own family, it might be helpful to remember that conditional support can be a reasonable approach, but it may also require some flexibility. While it is important to uphold promises you’ve made, it’s also crucial to allow room for growth and learning. A clear, respectful conversation about the expectations and reasons for the original conditions might lead to an adjusted plan that encourages accountability without permanently dismissing the value of her personal choice. This could help preserve the relationship while reinforcing the commitments you both agreed upon.
hey, i feel like conditions are fair, but maybe a chill chat may clear things up. if you both compromise a little, it might help her see the value of those terms, while still leaving room for growth. just thinking, might be worth a try.
Hey there, thanks for sharing your story. I’m really fascinated by how these kinds of situations test not only our decisions but also our relationships with our kids. It sounds like you’re trying to balance your values with their personal growth, which isn’t easy at all. Have you thought about what specific lessons you want your daughter to take away from this situation? Maybe there’s a way to acknowledge what she might have learned from her time off, even if it wasn’t what you envisioned—all while still keeping the accountability element intact. I’m curious, in your view, what would be the ideal compromise that respects both her journey and your conditions? Would love to hear your further thoughts on this, as it’s such a nuanced topic!